Somebody out there, at one point or another, did a huge favor for William Forsythe. That is the only thing that I can fathom that caused him to lend his talents to this film. Don’t be fooled by his top billing, and the fact that his name is plastered in bold font on the front of the artwork, he’s only in the film for about 5 minutes total. Yes, he brings his usual charm to the role, but the script is so ridiculous that even he had trouble spitting out some of these lines.
“The Rig” is a straight to video monster movie crapfest. I had fairly low expectations going in, so the fact that it failed to meet even that should scare away even the most avid of fans of SyFy’s monster mash-ups. The story follows a skeleton crew aboard a deep sea oil rig. A storm has caused them to evacuate all non-essential personnel. As they crew buckles down for a long night at sea. Soon it becomes apparent that someone, or something is stalking and killing them one by one.
Let me get the positive aspect of the film out of the way so we can talk about the rest properly. This film’s only redeeming quality is that they stuck 100 percent practical with the FX. It nice to see the monsters were guys in rubber suits. This is a nice change of pace for this type of flick, as generally filmmakers opt to use the cheaper option, CGI. The film is moderately gory, but nothing to write home about. While I am labeling this as a positive aspect of the film, it fails to save the overall experience, as there are just far too many flaws.
Mostly responsible for this festival of suck is the shockingly terrible script.So many idiotic moments throughout that it’s hard to hone in on one in specific. It came to a point where even my wife, who is a moderate horror fans, was pointing out plotholes. For example, did you know that one could have a pre-existing allergy to deep sea monsters? A crew member is attacked by the creature, and as he is laying on the floor bleeding, another member of the crew decides that he is having an allergic reaction. An allergic reaction to being stabbed by a sea monster? I wonder if he has that allergy listed on his medical records? Also, for being a movie about a monster, the monster is oddly absent for most of the film. It’s also never really explained where it came from, or the reason he chose this particular oil rig to hunt his prey.
It became apparent that the film makers were making a statement on deep sea drilling. I have no problem with horror films making a political statement, so long as it’s competently done. Competence is not a word that comes to mind while watching this flick. Super “subtle” details like an advertisement on the back of a porn mag about vacationing in beautiful Louisiana, the fact that in order to defeat the creature they will have to use natural gas. The viewer is basically smacked in the face with anti-oil propaganda, and it never leads to a point. They clearly thought they were being clever, but in the end, it’s tedious, and insulting to the viewers intelligence. I get it. I’m not a fan of deep sea drilling either, but if you don’t have the writing chops to make it relevant to your story, it’s best to leave that type of thing to the professionals.
The characters are unnecessarily diverse. None of them are interesting, the acting is terrible, and there’s not one character that you can even possibly give a shit whether or not they live or die. Unlikable people doing stupid things and being killed by an uninteresting, unexplored creature from the deep. “The Rig” makes even Sharktopus look like cinematic gold. Don’t waste a time on this piss-poor excuse for a creature feature. Chances are, there’s something much better airing on SyFy tonight, so why bother?