Gravity is one of those movies that I was already interested in seeing it, but hearing people constantly talk about how I “NEEDED” to see it, turned me off from actually seeing it. I wasn’t boycotting it, I’m not that big of a dick, but I knew I would probably end up waiting for the […]
Hey there. You know me. I’m that guy that’s usually put into the position to defend these remake/sequel/prequel/premaquel/reboot/whateverthefuckyouwannacallits. Hell, I lost fake friends over The Thing. I can handle differing opinions just fine, and everyone is entitled to their own, but hyperbole, cockriding, and the opposite, I cannot abide. I can understand someone not liking […]
“3D Nurse-Monster Cleavage Makes Me Moist” OR “Silent Hill: Revelation 3D” DISCLAIMER: The Following Information Is for Entertainment Purposes Only. 100% Medically (and Factually) Inaccurate, (contrary to what the Centipede told you). Greetings True Believers! I haven’t been this pleasantly surprised since that time I woke up on a snow-bank, nuzzled comfortably between your Mom and that […]
Harold & Kumar is a series of films that continues, to a certain degree, in the tradition of stoner-comedy classics made popular by Cheech and Chong. Sure, there are some elements of the films that are far more over-the-top than anything Cheech and Chong ever did, but the two series are comparable.
Though I wasn’t quite as vicious with my critique of last years sugar-free 3D shark attack flick, Shark Night, I was still not a fan. If you would like to hear my initial thoughts, as well as Jeff’s 30 minute rant in defense of the creature flick, you can find that on this episode of […]
The Gate is being remade and I couldn’t be happier! I know, I know! I’m a purist and I usually say that remakes should never happen but this is one exception I will allow right off the bat. My love for Alex Winter doesn’t just stem from his role as the aloof but competent Bill […]
Maybe its just me, but i found it quite ironic that a film titled ‘The Darkest Hour’ would involve humanity being invaded by what appears to be converging electrical lights. With that trivial bit of cristicism out of the way, i can certainly say that i did enjoy ‘The Darkest Hour’ much more than i […]
Notice how the title says “in the nose” rather than “up the nose”? Well, that is because Marcus Nispel’s CONAN does not merely thrust a finger up the nostril of the viewer but slices the goddamn flesh and cartilage protrusion off of one’s face and proceeds to force its finger into the newly formed, gaping, […]
Though it’s coming to a close, summertime means a barrage of comic book movies, franchise sequels, and remakes. Some have been good, some have been bad, but we lived through the season, and I think we’ve grown as a species because of it. Fright Night may only be considered a classic by those that are […]
Chance are, if you’ve found some sort of enjoyment with any of the previous installments, you’ll probably enjoy this one. If you’ve hated the previous films, there’s nothing this time around that’s going to make you think otherwise. It’s a solid franchise sequel, and is definitely the best in the series since Part 2.
I can recall a time when seeing movies in 3D was exciting. Not almost every movie that came out was offered in this format. Things sure have changed. As 2011 begins, it is clear that the 3D craze sweeping through Hollywood is not going anywhere. A slew of movies, over fifteen, will be released in the […]
It’s been quite awhile since the last Ritualistic Rants, but something is really starting to piss me off fiends. How many of you are like me? And are way past sick and tired of every single movie that comes out having to all of a sudden be in 3D, bumping your ticket price up […]