The Brothers Polonia have done terrible things. In another room, they have kidnapped David “The Rock” Nelson’s twin sons, made them lie with The Abomination, and snort lots of coke for good measure. The result will cause you to cringe. And then, once it’s all done—you will laugh.
Twin brothers, Alan and Joseph, go up to visit their Aunt Lacey. Unfortunately, Lacey’s groundskeeper, Jeremy, is a psycho who cuts people up, has sex with some parts, and keeps the remains in the barn. He also kills horses with a sledgehammer. Lacey wants to jump Alan’s bones, and then succeeds with the help of some date-rape drugs in a cup of tea. In the end, Joseph is buried alive (with his dong lying out), Alan gets his head blown up, and Lacey gets a vagina full of dynamite! But that’s not all!
Other selling points include decapitations, necrophilia handjobs and blowjobs, guts, gore, blood, a dream sequence where one bro literally shits a knife before vomiting his guts out, beatings, bondage, piss, involuntary man-on-man anal fisting, shit on people’s face, a decaying skeleton, brother-sister incest, inbred hick revelations, and a penis which crumbles into rotting dirt. All of it is, on a visual scale at least, PG (well, until we see Joseph’s balls). All of it I knew existed before my viewing. All of it gave me acid flashbacks to Woodchipper Massacre. And we enter a new realm.
The directors were eighteen when they made this. Hey, right now (2011), I’m almost eighteen! And I make movies about alien gods who set people on fire. Maybe I need new standards? Is Splatter Farm the ultimate teacher? What is the secret of this mysterious place?
I began to learn when I watched this film. Not only did I learn that such deviances were possible (and very much outside the realm of porn, walking among us), but I learned that they have already happened. Are they repeatable? I am not sure. I am uncertain as to whether or not the acts seen in this disgusting film are capable of being reviewed or redone. I’m not sure that, through the merit of undesirability, such things are ever meant to be again; but I do know one thing—they were meant to be in the first place.
Simply put…I would feel terrible if Splatter Farm never existed. Not because of the lessons or because I’m a soulless gorehound, but because I’m a human being. Because I still have much to learn. Because I’m not as wise as the Polonia Brothers. Wisdom implies experience. Experience implies life. Life implies living. One has not lived until Splatter Farm is in their lives—and in their souls. And that’s when we enter the creepy realm of Weirdo Cinema. When we enter the strange universe that I look for when I look at a movie.
I’m looking for insanity. Splatter Farm delivers. Never have I gotten so close to throwing up from nausea and never have I gotten so close to throwing up from laughing at the madness that is all too real. I’m getting philosophical here—but that’s good. This movie made me think just because it’s so perverted and depraved.
Walk with me outside of the world. Walk in the universe that is Splatter Farm, and you will be changed. And I think then you’ll be happy.