Going in to Nine Dead(2010) I had next to no information about the film. I knew it featured Melissa Joan Hart, which, let’s face it, is the queen of the curvy women for my generation. And I saw that it had a 4 star rating on Netflix. Now, if you’re familiar with Netflix, you know that it’s rare to see a 4 star rating for anything outside of Big budget Hollywood tripe, and films that have been deemed classics. Frankly, I’m not sure how this movie pulled the rating off, perhaps all the votes aren’t tallied.
Nine Dead isn’t really a typical film. Most films spend the first part of the film(If at all) developing characters. Nine Dead takes it’s time to introduce us to each character. Nine people have been kidnapped, and are now handcuffed together in one room. A masked man tells them to figure out why each one of them are in the room, or he’ll come back every ten minutes and off one of them.
Despite it’s many flaws, I did enjoy the film. Trust me when I say this though, you’re going to have to forgive a mountain of plot holes, and things that just don’t make sense at all. You’ll also be asked to accept that their captor is one of the best investigators on the planet, as he’s deduced things that nobody could possibly know, and his clairvoyance is never explained. One more problem I had with the film was Melissa Joan Hart. I’m sorry Clarissa, I’ve harbored sick fantasies about you for most of my life, but I don’t buy for one second that you’re the DA for even the smallest district. I’m sorry, but it’s just not a role suited for you, honey. Also, whoever did her makeup, and wardrobe, made her out to look pretty haggard. I know she’s not the ripe teen age of 27 anymore, but she looks a hell of a lot better than that. A lot of lines felt forced, cliche, and several actually made me cringe. I felt if they had put a little more time into the script, most of these things could have been hammered out.
The story is interesting, and it at least made me want to stick it out and find out the conclusion. But for the most part, the high Netflix rating remains a mystery. I can’t say that I recommend the film, but if you’re bored, and have nothing else to watch, load Netflix up on your platform of choice, and check out what Sabrina has been up to lately, aside from squeezing out puppies.