Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Go to the Grocery Store: BAIT 3D (Review)

Are you tired of shark movies yet? How about CGI shark features? Yes, there is an exception to every rule and movies like Sharktopus are allowed to be appreciated for the complete debauched camp that the provide a stoned or otherwise inebriated audience on a Saturday night in lieu of sexual intercourse, but hasn’t it all been done? Didn’t we learn anything from Shark Night 3D, Jersey Shore Shark Attack and the like… movies that may be trying to take themselves somewhat seriously (okay, maybe not Jersey Shore Shark Attack)? For those of you who find yourselves on the couch once again, drunk, babbling on your social network and looking for something outlandishly entertaining to watch I give you BAIT 3D. This isn’t just another computer generated shark story.

Synopsis from Anchor Bay:

In a sleepy beach community shoppers at an underground supermarket are terrorized by a crazed bandit when the unimaginable occurs: A monstrous freak tsunami swallows the town. Now trapped, with rushing water threatening to entomb them in a watery grave, the survivors discover they are not alone.

The tsunami has brought unwanted visitors from the depths. Not only must they overcome the threat of drowning and the predator within their midst, but a threat far more deadly and far more bloodthirsty – packs of hungry tiger sharks.

Trailer that can only giveaway what your mind hasn’t already put together from countless other 3D and computer generated shark features.

Did you expect the wheel to undergo some drastic reinvention? Did you think you were going to see something new? Let’s start off with the thing that is glaringly obvious. The shark sucks. The shark may always suck in computer graphic generated form. I’m not a fan of using the old Apple make my monsters anyway, but if you’re going to do so at least let me know that you don’t give a rat’s ass about it up front… oh wait… I feel like that’s exactly what the BAIT guys did. They gave me a shark that I knew was a phony as the snakes on the goddamn plane. That makes it more palatable. No pretending that we have a serious shark flick here with cutaways to real sharks that don’t match the CG. It means that I can stop looking at them with disgust and realize I’m watching a horror comedy that plays like an action movie with gore. It’s okay if the sharky ain’t Bruce from Jaws. Hell, Bruce wasn’t even Bruce from Jaws. The CGI isn’t as bad as Jersey Shore Shark Attack and isn’t as completely ridiculous as a Roger Corman monster movie, but it’s bad, but it does the job.

Despite not having watched this in all three terrifying dimensions I will assure you that you can tell just where Kimble Rendall thought you might appreciate a dose of eye popping action. It’s actually quite stunning on Blu Ray regardless of the gimmicky touch up work. The gore pops nicely. The blood streaming through the water is tactile and the limbs floating away are like dreamy ice cubes in your bloody mary. It’s all there for the fun and not to be taken seriously. Practical effects aren’t even necessary once you realize that you’re watching a total computer fest.

You know what I love about BAIT 3D (and maybe I should stop calling it 3D since I didn’t watch it in 3D)? I loved the somewhat lovable characters. Yes, they’re stereotyped ad infinitum, but they have Australian accents! Doesn’t that make any unlovable character immediately jovial? Xavier Samuel was even in the Loved Ones. That’s not to say the rest of the cast has their horror credentials in good standing, but you won’t hate him… or at least I didn’t hate him after having seen him in the Loved Ones. I love the idea of love lost, broken characters that need fixing and a new start in life. I like heroes that we discover and who are not completely dripped on us like wax on a nipple at an orgy. Stereotypes or not, you might find your heart strings receiving the cat’s cradle treatment. Let’s not forget Dr. Doom aka Julian McMahon shows up to help kick some shark ass (do shark’s have what one might consider an ass?).

I love the innovation with which the attempt to thwart a Great White attack. Chief Brody never thought of creating his own shark armor even if he did think of one of the key elements of potentially hurting this underwater eating machine. There are elements of Bay Watch and nods to Jaws and even Jaws 2, however unintentional. This movie had me asking myself whether it was time for me to stop comparing every shark movie to Jaws and its sequels. Maybe it’s time that we realize that Jaws is not the standard it is the outlier . Nothing can really be held to that based solely on the caliber of the performances. I guess it’s inevitable that every movie with a fish gets compared to the Spielberg classic, but if we can find a new benchmark we might begin to have more realistic expectations.

BAIT 3D is for fans of the Piranha remake and its sequel. It’s got camp. It’s good fun and you might even enjoy watching people being eaten again. Remember, it’s never safe to go back into the Tsunami, and these days it might even be equally dangerous to go into your local grocery store. High fructose corn syrup kills! Enjoy this one. Don’t think too much while watching it.

BAIT 3D is available now HERE. Pick it up for fun. Do not expect a seriously frightening movie. Watch in a large group for best effect.

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About Jimmy Terror

Dr. Jimmy Terror, more commonly known as James P. Harris, has been “writing your eyes” shut since 2010 with his horror themed blog, Dr. Terror’s Blog of Horrors (whose name is a play on words derived from the Amicus film, Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors). In the early 2000’s he fronted the band The Vaudeville Vampires, a short-lived "Horrorabilly" band which saw the creation of a catalog of horror related songs before disbanding (with only one, six song demo ever being produced and distributed). He has had only one on screen appearance to date in the horror short, Ocean Parkway, as maniacal, gloved killer with a hair fetish. Having done some un-credited, behind the scenes work in some low budget genre pictures, he is currently working on his first foray into screenwriting with a demonic, retro gore entry that pays homage to Lucio Fulci, Dario Argento as well as other Italian masters of the genre.
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  • http://walkingdeadwebsite9.blog.com/ walking dead season 3 wiki

    Can I add Scarlett Johansson to the picture too? I know she is rich and has a career and all (even though I don’t find her being a good actress), but she was considered the IT girl when she was 20 and everyone was all about she is an amazing actress etc. and worked with great directors, and all that nothing she isn’t even 29 and yet she hasn’t got anything as in Academy Award recognition etc. She must thinking “where did I go wrong??” imo.