DISCLAIMER: The Following Information Is for Entertainment Purposes Only. 100% Medically (and Factually) Inaccurate, (contrary to what the Centipede told you).
Greetings, True Believers!
Today, we’re gonna talk about the (questionably) triumphant return of Snake Plissken. Some 15 years after rescuing The President (aka Donald Pleasence aka Dr. Loomis) from New York, John Carpenter decided to drag Snake’s crusty ass out of retirement for another romp.
Carpenter’s scraggly ass decided to torture L.A. this time as Snake is once again captured/called in by the United States government to recover a potential doomsday device from Los Angeles, now an autonomous island where undesirables are deported. The President’s daughter has absconded to L.A. with a detonation device and Snake is commandeered to retrieve it. You’d think they’d have just saved their effort and just nuked the sombitches (including the EMP from the Nebuchadnezzar that Cuervo Jones stole) and called it a day. However, had they done that, the movie would’ve only lasted about 3.5 minutes. Similarly, it’s like “Why didn’t they just vaporize Voorhees BEFORE he knew he could jump between different bodies?” BECAAAAUUUUSE it would’ve cost New Line trillions of dollars in profits, that’s why. Same scenario here.
I sha’nt regurgitate the entire plot and shite into your mouths like a mama bird, but I shall point out the things that fascinate my ass about this adventure. One of my favorite things about movies is figuring out who the cast is and what other movies they play in. Therefore, Ima tell your asses about our illustrious cast.
Portrayed by Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez in the first film, Carpenter decided against using a no-name actor for his sequel (a la Robert Rodriguez with El Mariachi & Desperado) and contacted long-time collaborator Kurt Russell. This handsome sombitch (Ramirez) had mostly done stunt-double work before this film and afterward, retired to San Bernardino, CA, with his long-time life-partner, Alejandro Pablo-Escobar, in 1984.
Thankfully, Carpenter came to his senses and cast the man who was made/born for this role.
It makes one wonder why the HELL he didn’t cast Russell for Escape from New York. I digress.
That being said, Uncle Ben Parker plays our beloved President of the USA.
Next up, we have Mr. Pink as Map to the Stars Eddie.
Stacy Keach as Commander Malloy.
Jackie Brown as Hershe Las Palmas.
Bruce Campbell (as Robert Z’Dar) as the Surgeon General of Beverly Hills.
As far as I’m concerned, this flick is worth watching for the cast and cameos alone. Anything with Snake Plissken and Bruce Campbell in it can’t be all bad. Now I’ll admit it may not have the cult following Escape from New York has, nor is it as good a film overall as the first, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.
So, pull that stick out your ass and check it out. (By “it” I mean Escape from L.A., not the stick you just pulled out of your ass)… Everyone’s a critic…
I guarantee the direct-to-video cat-porn you made with your grandma’s 65lb JVC camera is no better… I’ve seen it. Twice.